A simple memory is not so simple anymore. My dad text me that my birthday is on the same date my cousin's wedding.
I disagree.
So I sent him back a text, saying "No, his wedding is happen to be on my birthday". After all, my birth happened a long 29 years ago. Long before the wedding is going to happen. I kinda feel I have the right to claim it first.
Anyway, I went off on a tangent here. He texted me back, telling me that my parents' wedding happens on the same date (according to Islamic calendar) that his parents'. Ha ...
The thing about is that now, after my mom passed away, reminiscing is a totally different experience. Back then, what it bring was just a content sigh, knowing just a little bit more of my parents' history. Now, it kinda ... suck a little. There was a pang of sadness (I'm sure my dad felt it a little more than me) and that thought, "Oh, she's not here anymore". And it lead to this post and a bit of tears.
*sigh* Now nostalgia really do bring tears.
2.26.2010
2.14.2010
It's Always Something
You see, there's always something. Let me give an example to make it easier. When you are in college, people would ask you when are you going to graduate. When you graduate from college, people would ask you when are you to get a job. When you got a job, people would ask you when are you going to get married. When you are married, people would ask you when are you going to be pregnant (or have a child). Then when you are pregnant or have a child, they'll ask you when the next one. It's like never ending expectation all around.
Right now, I'm in a situation where I am pretty much content with my life. I have a good job, not a dream job like being a chef in Food Network or work for this amazing hotels in Paris. But I like my job. It's what I came here for, plus I don't think you can get a better work atmosphere like my workplace. I like my co-workers, the chef is wonderful, learn a lot, and ... here's the plus plus plus, they like me. What more can you ask? Sure, the wage isn't 15 dollars an hour. Hell, it's not even 10 an hour (close, but barely). But I like it. Isn't it what important? Or not.
Am I losing my ambitiousness? Do I lost sense of that glimmering future of being a well-known chef? Can a girl take a break here? Or is it too late for me in life to even take a break (I pushing 30 here)?
To be honest with you, I would like to sit down and enjoy life for a moment here. I do feel that ball of chain labeled "too comfortable to move" or "affraid of change" slowly pulling me down. And I do have that glamorous dream every chef in the making have. But when is too much is too much? When can we stop having ambitions or goals? Or when can we have just goals, not ambition (goals=small accomplishment, ambition=huge, large, over the scale ones)? I know as I write, I won't have an answer just yet at the end of the post. It's like this huge, question ... what do I want to do with my life? Am I going to be pacifist? Or a goal-getter? An ambition ridden single young woman? Or follow the flow kind?
If I search my soul for an answer, so far I can only found one, definite answer. I want to be happy. So basic, so ... human. Unfortunately, my brain would go off doing it's analytical process as usual. I wonder if I can just enjoy this peace of mind for a moment or two. Just sit peacefully and smell the flower. Yes, this isn't the end of my journey. But I know, no ... I feel that my soul begs me too. Just a quiet moment, before I pick up my legs to chase that dream.
Right now, I'm in a situation where I am pretty much content with my life. I have a good job, not a dream job like being a chef in Food Network or work for this amazing hotels in Paris. But I like my job. It's what I came here for, plus I don't think you can get a better work atmosphere like my workplace. I like my co-workers, the chef is wonderful, learn a lot, and ... here's the plus plus plus, they like me. What more can you ask? Sure, the wage isn't 15 dollars an hour. Hell, it's not even 10 an hour (close, but barely). But I like it. Isn't it what important? Or not.
Am I losing my ambitiousness? Do I lost sense of that glimmering future of being a well-known chef? Can a girl take a break here? Or is it too late for me in life to even take a break (I pushing 30 here)?
To be honest with you, I would like to sit down and enjoy life for a moment here. I do feel that ball of chain labeled "too comfortable to move" or "affraid of change" slowly pulling me down. And I do have that glamorous dream every chef in the making have. But when is too much is too much? When can we stop having ambitions or goals? Or when can we have just goals, not ambition (goals=small accomplishment, ambition=huge, large, over the scale ones)? I know as I write, I won't have an answer just yet at the end of the post. It's like this huge, question ... what do I want to do with my life? Am I going to be pacifist? Or a goal-getter? An ambition ridden single young woman? Or follow the flow kind?
If I search my soul for an answer, so far I can only found one, definite answer. I want to be happy. So basic, so ... human. Unfortunately, my brain would go off doing it's analytical process as usual. I wonder if I can just enjoy this peace of mind for a moment or two. Just sit peacefully and smell the flower. Yes, this isn't the end of my journey. But I know, no ... I feel that my soul begs me too. Just a quiet moment, before I pick up my legs to chase that dream.
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