Middle of the year resolution

Yes, odd title. But it has a nice ring to it, no?

Anyway, I decided to ditch the whining about being single and throw caution to the wind. Oh, and catch the travel bug.

I always like traveling, but usually someone else initiate it. Case in point, Paris. If it wasn't for the study abroad, my 8 1/2 wide feet wouldn't touch the France soil. Another case in point, the trip to the UP at the end of August. My roomie initiate it. When it came to plan a trip, I'm a lazy bum. I just realize right now. I could talk all I want about places I want to see, but I wouldn't plan it. I love to travel, but I didn't catch the bug.

So ... I decided to plan a trip somewhere in the US before the end of the year. Preferably, before it gets cold. Oh, and before the world decided to do conventions or events every day of the week. What caused this, you may ask. A show called Nature. I watched it last week, and got hitched. Absolutely love it! I guess the inner geek in me just came out. This week was about Monterey Bay Aquarium.

Before I was a chef-to-be, I was a biologist-to-be. Marine biology was going to be my specialization. I'm terrified of drowning and I a terrible swimmer, but I decided to be a daredevil. That was before I realize I love cooking more. But somehow it was stuck to my brain. The love of sea, I mean. The trip to Shedd Aquarium triggered it. I love it. Never seen anything like it. I was hooked. And now, I got hooked on the idea of visiting Monterey Bay Aquarium. Alone if I must. But a visit is must ... if I can afford it. Yes, money is always an issue. Bother, isn't it?

But even if I can't go to Monterey Bay Aquarium, I will travel anyway. Somewhere in the US, where there is museums, art gallery, or even small aquariums. I WILL catch the bug.

Death by Exhaustion

*phew*

I've been working nonstop for 12 days straight. And make it 13 days with tomorrow shift. Exhaustion will be the death of me. Woowee ... the life of a lowly apprentice.

It was this annual music festival here where I live. Seven days, many bands and performers. According to a coworker, we used to only do the food for 'normal' people (special passes holder, volunteers, and sponsor's tents). But this year, we're doing the VIPs too. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I have cooked food for the like of Ludacris, Brett Michaels, Adam Lambert, and Alice Cooper. Did I meet them? Hell, no. I was cooped up in the kitchen, doing a boatload of s***. Just like in the military, s*** rolls down the hill. And sitting on the bottom of the hill? Me. Yup, the lowly apprentice.

(and as I was typing this, the fireworks that ended the festival just started rolling in. Thank god, I don't have to work until 9 tomorrow so I can sleep in)

Before this whole fiasco started, I told my roomie about my fear. I was scared that this whole thing, working nonstop with no days off, will get me burned out. So burned out, that I'd consider opting out of the profession a little bit earlier. Retire early. And chase another dream that requires less standing up for 10 hours straight. Or catching s*** that rolls down the hill. Just quit this dream that I've sacrificed so much.

...

Well, shoot. Apparently, I'm stronger than that. I survived. Alive and kicking. And ready for another day. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that the week is over. And for another 2 or 3 weeks, I only have 2 or 3 days of work. I'll drink to that. But I'm staying in this profession. I love this job. I'm only the lowly apprentice now, but I am born for this profession. So heck, let the s*** rolls down the hill. I'll catch them on my way to the top.

It's Always Something

You see, there's always something. Let me give an example to make it easier. When you are in college, people would ask you when are you going to graduate. When you graduate from college, people would ask you when are you to get a job. When you got a job, people would ask you when are you going to get married. When you are married, people would ask you when are you going to be pregnant (or have a child). Then when you are pregnant or have a child, they'll ask you when the next one. It's like never ending expectation all around.

Right now, I'm in a situation where I am pretty much content with my life. I have a good job, not a dream job like being a chef in Food Network or work for this amazing hotels in Paris. But I like my job. It's what I came here for, plus I don't think you can get a better work atmosphere like my workplace. I like my co-workers, the chef is wonderful, learn a lot, and ... here's the plus plus plus, they like me. What more can you ask? Sure, the wage isn't 15 dollars an hour. Hell, it's not even 10 an hour (close, but barely). But I like it. Isn't it what important? Or not.

Am I losing my ambitiousness? Do I lost sense of that glimmering future of being a well-known chef? Can a girl take a break here? Or is it too late for me in life to even take a break (I pushing 30 here)?

To be honest with you, I would like to sit down and enjoy life for a moment here. I do feel that ball of chain labeled "too comfortable to move" or "affraid of change" slowly pulling me down. And I do have that glamorous dream every chef in the making have. But when is too much is too much? When can we stop having ambitions or goals? Or when can we have just goals, not ambition (goals=small accomplishment, ambition=huge, large, over the scale ones)? I know as I write, I won't have an answer just yet at the end of the post. It's like this huge, question ... what do I want to do with my life? Am I going to be pacifist? Or a goal-getter? An ambition ridden single young woman? Or follow the flow kind?

If I search my soul for an answer, so far I can only found one, definite answer. I want to be happy. So basic, so ... human. Unfortunately, my brain would go off doing it's analytical process as usual. I wonder if I can just enjoy this peace of mind for a moment or two. Just sit peacefully and smell the flower. Yes, this isn't the end of my journey. But I know, no ... I feel that my soul begs me too. Just a quiet moment, before I pick up my legs to chase that dream.