Same s*** different day

Why does it seems that I blog whenever that I got that lonely feeling? Yes. I know the blog's called High and Low, but I kinda feel what I write are more on the Low side. Not to say that I'm a pessimist or a Debbie-downer. I can be very cheerful and happy, and skippy (especially after a bottle of Dew). I guess the more I suffer, the more I need a release. Human nature, you see.

Anyway, what I wanted to write is that I kinda give up. Or better yet, surrendering to the will of the universe (which is just a saying, it's all in your hand, dear God). I give up. So dear God, it's all in your hand now. I'm not gonna search for a man for my future husband on the web. Ever. It has rendered me incapable of believing that I will find someone. Web dating is brutal. All you have to rely on is a picture and words. I guess what I need is some kind of chemistry with someone and just go from there. So, just to let you know, God. No more match.com or eHarmony for me.

What a girl to do ...

to find a good man?

Right now, I'm so burned out with internet dating. After trying the paying kind with eHarmony, I'm now in another dating site (thanks to my roomie's ex-roomie ... long story). This one is free tho', which is the reason I decided to take the plunge again. When eHarmony failed to help me find a match, I said there and then that I would never try internet dating again. But since this site is free, I said hey what've I got to loose. I might even gain a man. Ha!

Yeah, that was about two months ago. But now, I'm totally burned out again. I didn't get responses from the guys I want to. I got responses from guys I don't want to. The only guy I want that mail me back live in Italy. And they're asking me when am I planning to go to Italy. Um, when you ask me to marry me? Aargh, this is so frustrating.

I wanna quit, but a voice in the back of my mind said go ahead and try. There's no result without efforts. But I. Just. So. Burned. Out. I'm tired of trying and yielding no results at all. I don't want to be wasting my time in front of the computer, trying to find me a man. I want to live my life. Enjoy my time here. Have fun. And not worrying if my picture is cute enough to yield a response. Or my profile intro is interesting enough. Oh no, I don't want that.

*sigh*

Just want to be happy, you know.

Really???

Why is it that I always have this urge to write whenever I'm sleepy. Is it the same like when one feels the urge to purge whenever one is drunk? Purge as in to tells everybody everything one feels the need to tell. Is sleepiness similar to drunkeness? Hmm, I wonder.

Anyhoo, this urge to write is probably caused after I wander into the internet dating site I was writing previously. After so many days shunting it (I was after all in Paris, where hot, gorgeous, men with suit wandering around its streets), I went back and guess what ... so many rejections on my "inbox". One stated a physical distant is too great, but this one does reside in the same state. Physical distant, my a**. One stated other, could also be translated as "not-interested-but-don't-really-wanna-bother-to-tell-you-the-exact-reason-why-cause-you-so-not-worth-it". Or maybe it's just me. Whatever.

But I did scored two. One with not so distinct, oh how do I say it, attractiveness. And the other with an amazing resume, photos and all. Dang, I still feel so pathetic though. To my defense, I live in a city where the great men are either married or gay. And the stock of single, soon-to-be-great men is dwindling. Why did I ever choose this town? Maybe because my objective was to get a degree, not snatching a men. But hey a girl could multitask, can she?

Aw, man. This makes me feel a little depressed now ... aaaargh.

Going Fishing

I have a confession to make. *sigh* Here goes ...

For the past 3 months, I have been a member of an internet dating service. Yes, I am trying on internet dating.

*phew* There you go. Now on the context of this post.

I don't know if you are lucky enough to be doing internet dating. But for those who aren't, well, let me tell you how it goes. So all you need to do it provide your basic information and write short stories on your lonely, but oh so fulfilling life. Make sure you have a picture of yourself. And make sure it shows your best side. Other members would likely to based their judgment by this photo alone. Then you choose some categories. These will be used by the service to match you to several potential future significant others (please let me know if I'm being redundant here ...). Click OK or Submit several times and voila! You have your own internet dating profile.

Then here comes the tricky part. You have to sort through the abundance of matches provided by the website. My particular service let the members go through several steps, until they could send each other secure messages through the website. So to make the short story short, I have gone through some up and down. I've been to the open stage of the matchmaking with several men. But nobody sticks around long enough for me to consider open dating. Oh, the woe of internet dating!!!

I guess this internet dating thing is a lot like non cyberspace dating most people are doing. It feels like going fishing. You throw all the baits you can throw, out there to the water, then sit and wait for the fish bite. Sometimes you got lucky, sometimes the fish snuff you even before step one is done. Oh my god, what I'd do for my dad (long story, that is for another post). Then when first few steps are successful, there is no guarantee that it would translate to a date. A real date. Have the world gone mad? Or to be specific, have I gone mad?

At first, it feels kinda exciting. Picking which match you will communicate with. Hmm, not this one *click*. This one sounds funny *click*. Oh, this one is not going to work *click*. After several attempts to make connection, I am ready to crash and burns. Maybe even gives this internet dating stuff up. *sigh*

There has to be another way to find a future significant other ...