Why does it seems that I blog whenever that I got that lonely feeling? Yes. I know the blog's called High and Low, but I kinda feel what I write are more on the Low side. Not to say that I'm a pessimist or a Debbie-downer. I can be very cheerful and happy, and skippy (especially after a bottle of Dew). I guess the more I suffer, the more I need a release. Human nature, you see.
Anyway, what I wanted to write is that I kinda give up. Or better yet, surrendering to the will of the universe (which is just a saying, it's all in your hand, dear God). I give up. So dear God, it's all in your hand now. I'm not gonna search for a man for my future husband on the web. Ever. It has rendered me incapable of believing that I will find someone. Web dating is brutal. All you have to rely on is a picture and words. I guess what I need is some kind of chemistry with someone and just go from there. So, just to let you know, God. No more match.com or eHarmony for me.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
12.06.2010
9.07.2010
The art of sacrificing
How do you sacrifice something for someone you don't want to (sacrifice for)? (Damn it's a mouthful right there)
Well, according to my brain today ... you don't (do it). But we do it all the time, so we won't be perceive as a bad and selfish person. So I guess the next question is how much is too much. Like anything maybe (PMS hormone talking and taking over my brain right now). I just wish there is some kind of meter for this kind of situation.
Like right now, do I not watch the Bryan brothers because my roomie's ex roommate is here and she might need company? Umm, no. I'm watching them. I realized that my priority is kinda askew there. Is it selfish? Um, no (according to my PMS-ed brain). She can manage on her own. Beside I'm not the one who invited her here. Ha. Very good answer no?
But see, my good hearted conscience is tugging guilt string on my head. Oh wait, I just stopped it. Because heck, I want to watch the Bryan brothers right now. And she can wait. And the Toronto trip should be a major sacrifice already. So there.
Whatever.
Well, according to my brain today ... you don't (do it). But we do it all the time, so we won't be perceive as a bad and selfish person. So I guess the next question is how much is too much. Like anything maybe (PMS hormone talking and taking over my brain right now). I just wish there is some kind of meter for this kind of situation.
Like right now, do I not watch the Bryan brothers because my roomie's ex roommate is here and she might need company? Umm, no. I'm watching them. I realized that my priority is kinda askew there. Is it selfish? Um, no (according to my PMS-ed brain). She can manage on her own. Beside I'm not the one who invited her here. Ha. Very good answer no?
But see, my good hearted conscience is tugging guilt string on my head. Oh wait, I just stopped it. Because heck, I want to watch the Bryan brothers right now. And she can wait. And the Toronto trip should be a major sacrifice already. So there.
Whatever.
9.05.2010
Suffocated
Oh. My. God. Really? I can't take it anymore. This is too much.
My exciting Labor Day weekend is now a sour one. Was exciting when CBS announce the 3 day broadcast of US Open (no more squinting at my laptop screen anymore). Was exciting that I get to be lazy, not wake up early (it sucks when you have to wake up @ 6.15 am so you can get to work @ 8 ... tho' my body apparently knows this routine and stubbornly wakes up at least @ 7 ... ish). Was excited, it was going to be a great weekend (I realized that my happy list is kinda short and easy to fulfill but hey, who cares ...)
But nooooo. These two ladies I'm stuck with in the house have to be so depressing. Oh. My. God. Really? I have to remove myself out of the room because it was just too much to take (I'm writing this while my stomach is growling for food. Imagine that? My sanity is more important than food ... huh).
I realized that I can't always be in a happy situation all the time, but this is too much. Too much sad stories, too much crying, too much hysteria, too much complaining. Why can't we share some happy stories and lift each other spirits up? Why is it so hard to do that? Why do you have to cry everytime? Oh my god. Oh my god. STOP!!! (spewing fire and ashes)
Okay. Need. To. Breath.
*sigh*
I'm off to get some dinner. Bob better cheer me up.
My exciting Labor Day weekend is now a sour one. Was exciting when CBS announce the 3 day broadcast of US Open (no more squinting at my laptop screen anymore). Was exciting that I get to be lazy, not wake up early (it sucks when you have to wake up @ 6.15 am so you can get to work @ 8 ... tho' my body apparently knows this routine and stubbornly wakes up at least @ 7 ... ish). Was excited, it was going to be a great weekend (I realized that my happy list is kinda short and easy to fulfill but hey, who cares ...)
But nooooo. These two ladies I'm stuck with in the house have to be so depressing. Oh. My. God. Really? I have to remove myself out of the room because it was just too much to take (I'm writing this while my stomach is growling for food. Imagine that? My sanity is more important than food ... huh).
I realized that I can't always be in a happy situation all the time, but this is too much. Too much sad stories, too much crying, too much hysteria, too much complaining. Why can't we share some happy stories and lift each other spirits up? Why is it so hard to do that? Why do you have to cry everytime? Oh my god. Oh my god. STOP!!! (spewing fire and ashes)
Okay. Need. To. Breath.
*sigh*
I'm off to get some dinner. Bob better cheer me up.
8.07.2010
Why?
This question was overheard (by me) today on the bus en route home.
"Why do I want to learn a foreign language?"
I almost turned my head and give this man a talking. Why ... would you be so stupid to ask that question? Out loud. In public. Wow. Really? Really? Anyway, I digress. After I hold myself back from not lecturing this man to death (by embarrassment), I found the answer to the question. Why?
Because by learning a foreign language, you learn the culture also.
It's always goes hand-in-hand. Language is communication, and I guess a verbal translation of ... lots of non verbal thing such as culture. I remember when I (tried) to learn French, this book taught me a lot of local cultures. Like, when you say hello to someone you know, do a pair of air kiss, one for each cheek. Or you can just ask "ca va?" and when they answer "ca va", you know they're not asking you back the question but telling you that they're okay. Or you say "Bonjour" for a face-to-face greeting, but you say "halo?" (read 'alo) when you answer the phone. There are many other things I didn't get to study, but you get the picture. Heck, if he asked that question I would answer because I want to learn other people culture. I'm curious like that. Must run in the family.
It's just feels kinda retarded that somebody could even ask that question. Really? How narrow can you be? And this coming from somebody who is smart enough to get into grad school ... in the U.S. ... who probably have to learn English as a second language ... and still stupid enough to ask stupid question. Please, next time keep that thought to yourself. People doesn't need to know that you're slightly retarded.
"Why do I want to learn a foreign language?"
I almost turned my head and give this man a talking. Why ... would you be so stupid to ask that question? Out loud. In public. Wow. Really? Really? Anyway, I digress. After I hold myself back from not lecturing this man to death (by embarrassment), I found the answer to the question. Why?
Because by learning a foreign language, you learn the culture also.
It's always goes hand-in-hand. Language is communication, and I guess a verbal translation of ... lots of non verbal thing such as culture. I remember when I (tried) to learn French, this book taught me a lot of local cultures. Like, when you say hello to someone you know, do a pair of air kiss, one for each cheek. Or you can just ask "ca va?" and when they answer "ca va", you know they're not asking you back the question but telling you that they're okay. Or you say "Bonjour" for a face-to-face greeting, but you say "halo?" (read 'alo) when you answer the phone. There are many other things I didn't get to study, but you get the picture. Heck, if he asked that question I would answer because I want to learn other people culture. I'm curious like that. Must run in the family.
It's just feels kinda retarded that somebody could even ask that question. Really? How narrow can you be? And this coming from somebody who is smart enough to get into grad school ... in the U.S. ... who probably have to learn English as a second language ... and still stupid enough to ask stupid question. Please, next time keep that thought to yourself. People doesn't need to know that you're slightly retarded.
7.01.2010
Self-sabotage Syndrome
Is it real? Yes, it is. It mostly can be seen in women. All ages. For us, ladies, the syndrome knows no boundaries. We all suffer from it, some times.
Case in point. This lovely woman I know is in the early stage of a relationship, with a good man. A good catch, your momma would say. But she's having all this doubt about it. Last night, on the kitchen, she poured her heart out. Basically, telling me why she wants to take things slow with this guy. Understandably, just like others, she's been hurt before. Bad. And I mean, bad. The kind of broken heart that would keel you over if you don't have a strong heart and will. The kind that make you wish you hurt more physically, just so you don't feel that aching mentally.
Anyway, I digress. So somehow in this conversation, she stated that this might be a mistake. Why? Well, this is where it gets interesting. If she were my shanks (pet name for my BFFs), I would tell it like it is. Like "Shank, you're shanking yourself here. Get a grip. He's a good man. Deal". (In reality, I don't talk like that) But she's not. So no "shanking" her. Okay, long story short, her reason is more spiritual than I would like to believe. I'm not the most religious person in the world, ladies. But really? Really? You've got to be "shanking" yourself here.
A good man is hard to find. Trust me, I've been looking for ages (decades even). So when one comes along, you accept. No, I'm not saying that you should throw a rejoicing dance or ritual. After all, man is only ... man. But accept that a good man wants to love you, you beautiful self. And on forward to your journey to get to know him. Don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sabotage yourself. It's kinda old. And remotely sick, I tell ya. We can't be always ruining ourselves. Do not drag your behind and sink it low.
So yes, I do think this lovely woman is self-sabotaging herself. But I can't tell her that, as she poured her heart out on the kitchen floor. So I stand there, and listen. I didn't tell her flat out what I think. I listen. I was the enabler that time. If only she was my shank ...
Case in point. This lovely woman I know is in the early stage of a relationship, with a good man. A good catch, your momma would say. But she's having all this doubt about it. Last night, on the kitchen, she poured her heart out. Basically, telling me why she wants to take things slow with this guy. Understandably, just like others, she's been hurt before. Bad. And I mean, bad. The kind of broken heart that would keel you over if you don't have a strong heart and will. The kind that make you wish you hurt more physically, just so you don't feel that aching mentally.
Anyway, I digress. So somehow in this conversation, she stated that this might be a mistake. Why? Well, this is where it gets interesting. If she were my shanks (pet name for my BFFs), I would tell it like it is. Like "Shank, you're shanking yourself here. Get a grip. He's a good man. Deal". (In reality, I don't talk like that) But she's not. So no "shanking" her. Okay, long story short, her reason is more spiritual than I would like to believe. I'm not the most religious person in the world, ladies. But really? Really? You've got to be "shanking" yourself here.
A good man is hard to find. Trust me, I've been looking for ages (decades even). So when one comes along, you accept. No, I'm not saying that you should throw a rejoicing dance or ritual. After all, man is only ... man. But accept that a good man wants to love you, you beautiful self. And on forward to your journey to get to know him. Don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sabotage yourself. It's kinda old. And remotely sick, I tell ya. We can't be always ruining ourselves. Do not drag your behind and sink it low.
So yes, I do think this lovely woman is self-sabotaging herself. But I can't tell her that, as she poured her heart out on the kitchen floor. So I stand there, and listen. I didn't tell her flat out what I think. I listen. I was the enabler that time. If only she was my shank ...
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