Why does it seems that I blog whenever that I got that lonely feeling? Yes. I know the blog's called High and Low, but I kinda feel what I write are more on the Low side. Not to say that I'm a pessimist or a Debbie-downer. I can be very cheerful and happy, and skippy (especially after a bottle of Dew). I guess the more I suffer, the more I need a release. Human nature, you see.
Anyway, what I wanted to write is that I kinda give up. Or better yet, surrendering to the will of the universe (which is just a saying, it's all in your hand, dear God). I give up. So dear God, it's all in your hand now. I'm not gonna search for a man for my future husband on the web. Ever. It has rendered me incapable of believing that I will find someone. Web dating is brutal. All you have to rely on is a picture and words. I guess what I need is some kind of chemistry with someone and just go from there. So, just to let you know, God. No more match.com or eHarmony for me.
12.06.2010
9.07.2010
The art of sacrificing
How do you sacrifice something for someone you don't want to (sacrifice for)? (Damn it's a mouthful right there)
Well, according to my brain today ... you don't (do it). But we do it all the time, so we won't be perceive as a bad and selfish person. So I guess the next question is how much is too much. Like anything maybe (PMS hormone talking and taking over my brain right now). I just wish there is some kind of meter for this kind of situation.
Like right now, do I not watch the Bryan brothers because my roomie's ex roommate is here and she might need company? Umm, no. I'm watching them. I realized that my priority is kinda askew there. Is it selfish? Um, no (according to my PMS-ed brain). She can manage on her own. Beside I'm not the one who invited her here. Ha. Very good answer no?
But see, my good hearted conscience is tugging guilt string on my head. Oh wait, I just stopped it. Because heck, I want to watch the Bryan brothers right now. And she can wait. And the Toronto trip should be a major sacrifice already. So there.
Whatever.
Well, according to my brain today ... you don't (do it). But we do it all the time, so we won't be perceive as a bad and selfish person. So I guess the next question is how much is too much. Like anything maybe (PMS hormone talking and taking over my brain right now). I just wish there is some kind of meter for this kind of situation.
Like right now, do I not watch the Bryan brothers because my roomie's ex roommate is here and she might need company? Umm, no. I'm watching them. I realized that my priority is kinda askew there. Is it selfish? Um, no (according to my PMS-ed brain). She can manage on her own. Beside I'm not the one who invited her here. Ha. Very good answer no?
But see, my good hearted conscience is tugging guilt string on my head. Oh wait, I just stopped it. Because heck, I want to watch the Bryan brothers right now. And she can wait. And the Toronto trip should be a major sacrifice already. So there.
Whatever.
9.05.2010
Suffocated
Oh. My. God. Really? I can't take it anymore. This is too much.
My exciting Labor Day weekend is now a sour one. Was exciting when CBS announce the 3 day broadcast of US Open (no more squinting at my laptop screen anymore). Was exciting that I get to be lazy, not wake up early (it sucks when you have to wake up @ 6.15 am so you can get to work @ 8 ... tho' my body apparently knows this routine and stubbornly wakes up at least @ 7 ... ish). Was excited, it was going to be a great weekend (I realized that my happy list is kinda short and easy to fulfill but hey, who cares ...)
But nooooo. These two ladies I'm stuck with in the house have to be so depressing. Oh. My. God. Really? I have to remove myself out of the room because it was just too much to take (I'm writing this while my stomach is growling for food. Imagine that? My sanity is more important than food ... huh).
I realized that I can't always be in a happy situation all the time, but this is too much. Too much sad stories, too much crying, too much hysteria, too much complaining. Why can't we share some happy stories and lift each other spirits up? Why is it so hard to do that? Why do you have to cry everytime? Oh my god. Oh my god. STOP!!! (spewing fire and ashes)
Okay. Need. To. Breath.
*sigh*
I'm off to get some dinner. Bob better cheer me up.
My exciting Labor Day weekend is now a sour one. Was exciting when CBS announce the 3 day broadcast of US Open (no more squinting at my laptop screen anymore). Was exciting that I get to be lazy, not wake up early (it sucks when you have to wake up @ 6.15 am so you can get to work @ 8 ... tho' my body apparently knows this routine and stubbornly wakes up at least @ 7 ... ish). Was excited, it was going to be a great weekend (I realized that my happy list is kinda short and easy to fulfill but hey, who cares ...)
But nooooo. These two ladies I'm stuck with in the house have to be so depressing. Oh. My. God. Really? I have to remove myself out of the room because it was just too much to take (I'm writing this while my stomach is growling for food. Imagine that? My sanity is more important than food ... huh).
I realized that I can't always be in a happy situation all the time, but this is too much. Too much sad stories, too much crying, too much hysteria, too much complaining. Why can't we share some happy stories and lift each other spirits up? Why is it so hard to do that? Why do you have to cry everytime? Oh my god. Oh my god. STOP!!! (spewing fire and ashes)
Okay. Need. To. Breath.
*sigh*
I'm off to get some dinner. Bob better cheer me up.
9.04.2010
Tennis priorities
During US Open:
1. Bryan brothers (Bob and Mike, no. 1 double team) goes first
2. Anything with Rafael Nadal comes close second (PiP feature can be use)
3. Federer matches is also a must, as long as it doesn't interfere with two points above
4. John Isner or Andy Roddick or Mardy Fish comes next
5. Any other players worth watching
1. Bryan brothers (Bob and Mike, no. 1 double team) goes first
2. Anything with Rafael Nadal comes close second (PiP feature can be use)
3. Federer matches is also a must, as long as it doesn't interfere with two points above
4. John Isner or Andy Roddick or Mardy Fish comes next
5. Any other players worth watching
8.07.2010
Why?
This question was overheard (by me) today on the bus en route home.
"Why do I want to learn a foreign language?"
I almost turned my head and give this man a talking. Why ... would you be so stupid to ask that question? Out loud. In public. Wow. Really? Really? Anyway, I digress. After I hold myself back from not lecturing this man to death (by embarrassment), I found the answer to the question. Why?
Because by learning a foreign language, you learn the culture also.
It's always goes hand-in-hand. Language is communication, and I guess a verbal translation of ... lots of non verbal thing such as culture. I remember when I (tried) to learn French, this book taught me a lot of local cultures. Like, when you say hello to someone you know, do a pair of air kiss, one for each cheek. Or you can just ask "ca va?" and when they answer "ca va", you know they're not asking you back the question but telling you that they're okay. Or you say "Bonjour" for a face-to-face greeting, but you say "halo?" (read 'alo) when you answer the phone. There are many other things I didn't get to study, but you get the picture. Heck, if he asked that question I would answer because I want to learn other people culture. I'm curious like that. Must run in the family.
It's just feels kinda retarded that somebody could even ask that question. Really? How narrow can you be? And this coming from somebody who is smart enough to get into grad school ... in the U.S. ... who probably have to learn English as a second language ... and still stupid enough to ask stupid question. Please, next time keep that thought to yourself. People doesn't need to know that you're slightly retarded.
"Why do I want to learn a foreign language?"
I almost turned my head and give this man a talking. Why ... would you be so stupid to ask that question? Out loud. In public. Wow. Really? Really? Anyway, I digress. After I hold myself back from not lecturing this man to death (by embarrassment), I found the answer to the question. Why?
Because by learning a foreign language, you learn the culture also.
It's always goes hand-in-hand. Language is communication, and I guess a verbal translation of ... lots of non verbal thing such as culture. I remember when I (tried) to learn French, this book taught me a lot of local cultures. Like, when you say hello to someone you know, do a pair of air kiss, one for each cheek. Or you can just ask "ca va?" and when they answer "ca va", you know they're not asking you back the question but telling you that they're okay. Or you say "Bonjour" for a face-to-face greeting, but you say "halo?" (read 'alo) when you answer the phone. There are many other things I didn't get to study, but you get the picture. Heck, if he asked that question I would answer because I want to learn other people culture. I'm curious like that. Must run in the family.
It's just feels kinda retarded that somebody could even ask that question. Really? How narrow can you be? And this coming from somebody who is smart enough to get into grad school ... in the U.S. ... who probably have to learn English as a second language ... and still stupid enough to ask stupid question. Please, next time keep that thought to yourself. People doesn't need to know that you're slightly retarded.
7.26.2010
Middle of the year resolution
Yes, odd title. But it has a nice ring to it, no?
Anyway, I decided to ditch the whining about being single and throw caution to the wind. Oh, and catch the travel bug.
I always like traveling, but usually someone else initiate it. Case in point, Paris. If it wasn't for the study abroad, my 8 1/2 wide feet wouldn't touch the France soil. Another case in point, the trip to the UP at the end of August. My roomie initiate it. When it came to plan a trip, I'm a lazy bum. I just realize right now. I could talk all I want about places I want to see, but I wouldn't plan it. I love to travel, but I didn't catch the bug.
So ... I decided to plan a trip somewhere in the US before the end of the year. Preferably, before it gets cold. Oh, and before the world decided to do conventions or events every day of the week. What caused this, you may ask. A show called Nature. I watched it last week, and got hitched. Absolutely love it! I guess the inner geek in me just came out. This week was about Monterey Bay Aquarium.
Before I was a chef-to-be, I was a biologist-to-be. Marine biology was going to be my specialization. I'm terrified of drowning and I a terrible swimmer, but I decided to be a daredevil. That was before I realize I love cooking more. But somehow it was stuck to my brain. The love of sea, I mean. The trip to Shedd Aquarium triggered it. I love it. Never seen anything like it. I was hooked. And now, I got hooked on the idea of visiting Monterey Bay Aquarium. Alone if I must. But a visit is must ... if I can afford it. Yes, money is always an issue. Bother, isn't it?
But even if I can't go to Monterey Bay Aquarium, I will travel anyway. Somewhere in the US, where there is museums, art gallery, or even small aquariums. I WILL catch the bug.
Anyway, I decided to ditch the whining about being single and throw caution to the wind. Oh, and catch the travel bug.
I always like traveling, but usually someone else initiate it. Case in point, Paris. If it wasn't for the study abroad, my 8 1/2 wide feet wouldn't touch the France soil. Another case in point, the trip to the UP at the end of August. My roomie initiate it. When it came to plan a trip, I'm a lazy bum. I just realize right now. I could talk all I want about places I want to see, but I wouldn't plan it. I love to travel, but I didn't catch the bug.
So ... I decided to plan a trip somewhere in the US before the end of the year. Preferably, before it gets cold. Oh, and before the world decided to do conventions or events every day of the week. What caused this, you may ask. A show called Nature. I watched it last week, and got hitched. Absolutely love it! I guess the inner geek in me just came out. This week was about Monterey Bay Aquarium.
Before I was a chef-to-be, I was a biologist-to-be. Marine biology was going to be my specialization. I'm terrified of drowning and I a terrible swimmer, but I decided to be a daredevil. That was before I realize I love cooking more. But somehow it was stuck to my brain. The love of sea, I mean. The trip to Shedd Aquarium triggered it. I love it. Never seen anything like it. I was hooked. And now, I got hooked on the idea of visiting Monterey Bay Aquarium. Alone if I must. But a visit is must ... if I can afford it. Yes, money is always an issue. Bother, isn't it?
But even if I can't go to Monterey Bay Aquarium, I will travel anyway. Somewhere in the US, where there is museums, art gallery, or even small aquariums. I WILL catch the bug.
7.21.2010
What a girl to do ...
to find a good man?
Right now, I'm so burned out with internet dating. After trying the paying kind with eHarmony, I'm now in another dating site (thanks to my roomie's ex-roomie ... long story). This one is free tho', which is the reason I decided to take the plunge again. When eHarmony failed to help me find a match, I said there and then that I would never try internet dating again. But since this site is free, I said hey what've I got to loose. I might even gain a man. Ha!
Yeah, that was about two months ago. But now, I'm totally burned out again. I didn't get responses from the guys I want to. I got responses from guys I don't want to. The only guy I want that mail me back live in Italy. And they're asking me when am I planning to go to Italy. Um, when you ask me to marry me? Aargh, this is so frustrating.
I wanna quit, but a voice in the back of my mind said go ahead and try. There's no result without efforts. But I. Just. So. Burned. Out. I'm tired of trying and yielding no results at all. I don't want to be wasting my time in front of the computer, trying to find me a man. I want to live my life. Enjoy my time here. Have fun. And not worrying if my picture is cute enough to yield a response. Or my profile intro is interesting enough. Oh no, I don't want that.
*sigh*
Just want to be happy, you know.
Right now, I'm so burned out with internet dating. After trying the paying kind with eHarmony, I'm now in another dating site (thanks to my roomie's ex-roomie ... long story). This one is free tho', which is the reason I decided to take the plunge again. When eHarmony failed to help me find a match, I said there and then that I would never try internet dating again. But since this site is free, I said hey what've I got to loose. I might even gain a man. Ha!
Yeah, that was about two months ago. But now, I'm totally burned out again. I didn't get responses from the guys I want to. I got responses from guys I don't want to. The only guy I want that mail me back live in Italy. And they're asking me when am I planning to go to Italy. Um, when you ask me to marry me? Aargh, this is so frustrating.
I wanna quit, but a voice in the back of my mind said go ahead and try. There's no result without efforts. But I. Just. So. Burned. Out. I'm tired of trying and yielding no results at all. I don't want to be wasting my time in front of the computer, trying to find me a man. I want to live my life. Enjoy my time here. Have fun. And not worrying if my picture is cute enough to yield a response. Or my profile intro is interesting enough. Oh no, I don't want that.
*sigh*
Just want to be happy, you know.
7.19.2010
Death by Exhaustion
*phew*
I've been working nonstop for 12 days straight. And make it 13 days with tomorrow shift. Exhaustion will be the death of me. Woowee ... the life of a lowly apprentice.
It was this annual music festival here where I live. Seven days, many bands and performers. According to a coworker, we used to only do the food for 'normal' people (special passes holder, volunteers, and sponsor's tents). But this year, we're doing the VIPs too. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I have cooked food for the like of Ludacris, Brett Michaels, Adam Lambert, and Alice Cooper. Did I meet them? Hell, no. I was cooped up in the kitchen, doing a boatload of s***. Just like in the military, s*** rolls down the hill. And sitting on the bottom of the hill? Me. Yup, the lowly apprentice.
(and as I was typing this, the fireworks that ended the festival just started rolling in. Thank god, I don't have to work until 9 tomorrow so I can sleep in)
Before this whole fiasco started, I told my roomie about my fear. I was scared that this whole thing, working nonstop with no days off, will get me burned out. So burned out, that I'd consider opting out of the profession a little bit earlier. Retire early. And chase another dream that requires less standing up for 10 hours straight. Or catching s*** that rolls down the hill. Just quit this dream that I've sacrificed so much.
...
Well, shoot. Apparently, I'm stronger than that. I survived. Alive and kicking. And ready for another day. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that the week is over. And for another 2 or 3 weeks, I only have 2 or 3 days of work. I'll drink to that. But I'm staying in this profession. I love this job. I'm only the lowly apprentice now, but I am born for this profession. So heck, let the s*** rolls down the hill. I'll catch them on my way to the top.
I've been working nonstop for 12 days straight. And make it 13 days with tomorrow shift. Exhaustion will be the death of me. Woowee ... the life of a lowly apprentice.
It was this annual music festival here where I live. Seven days, many bands and performers. According to a coworker, we used to only do the food for 'normal' people (special passes holder, volunteers, and sponsor's tents). But this year, we're doing the VIPs too. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I have cooked food for the like of Ludacris, Brett Michaels, Adam Lambert, and Alice Cooper. Did I meet them? Hell, no. I was cooped up in the kitchen, doing a boatload of s***. Just like in the military, s*** rolls down the hill. And sitting on the bottom of the hill? Me. Yup, the lowly apprentice.
(and as I was typing this, the fireworks that ended the festival just started rolling in. Thank god, I don't have to work until 9 tomorrow so I can sleep in)
Before this whole fiasco started, I told my roomie about my fear. I was scared that this whole thing, working nonstop with no days off, will get me burned out. So burned out, that I'd consider opting out of the profession a little bit earlier. Retire early. And chase another dream that requires less standing up for 10 hours straight. Or catching s*** that rolls down the hill. Just quit this dream that I've sacrificed so much.
...
Well, shoot. Apparently, I'm stronger than that. I survived. Alive and kicking. And ready for another day. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that the week is over. And for another 2 or 3 weeks, I only have 2 or 3 days of work. I'll drink to that. But I'm staying in this profession. I love this job. I'm only the lowly apprentice now, but I am born for this profession. So heck, let the s*** rolls down the hill. I'll catch them on my way to the top.
7.06.2010
That's it!
I'm getting a plastic surgery!
...
Nah, I'm just kidding. I think I just need to take better picture of myself. Hmm.
...
Nah, I'm just kidding. I think I just need to take better picture of myself. Hmm.
7.02.2010
My 11 Guy
Nope, it's not my 11th boyfriend. Although, I would like to have at least half of that amount in ex-es. Alas, that is not the case.
Nope, nope, nope. It's the guy who used to drive no. 11 bus, when I live downtown. Cute guy. Strict, but polite. I like that in a man. Didn't recognize him at first. He looked so ... haggard and worn down. On his face I mean. You know, the expression of "I had boatload of s*** from people and I'm this close to quitting this job". He used to be so fresh and carefree, friendly to boot. At least, when he was driving the no. 11. What changed, 11 guy?
But then I realize, he was driving no. 1 bus. It's the main route and covers lot of millage. And has it's own history of crazy people clusters. And I mean crazy, like loose hinge on brain crazy. Crazy, preaching in the middle of the bus crazy. You know. So that explain the expression. Ah, too bad. He's kinda cute.
Nope, nope, nope. It's the guy who used to drive no. 11 bus, when I live downtown. Cute guy. Strict, but polite. I like that in a man. Didn't recognize him at first. He looked so ... haggard and worn down. On his face I mean. You know, the expression of "I had boatload of s*** from people and I'm this close to quitting this job". He used to be so fresh and carefree, friendly to boot. At least, when he was driving the no. 11. What changed, 11 guy?
But then I realize, he was driving no. 1 bus. It's the main route and covers lot of millage. And has it's own history of crazy people clusters. And I mean crazy, like loose hinge on brain crazy. Crazy, preaching in the middle of the bus crazy. You know. So that explain the expression. Ah, too bad. He's kinda cute.
7.01.2010
Self-sabotage Syndrome
Is it real? Yes, it is. It mostly can be seen in women. All ages. For us, ladies, the syndrome knows no boundaries. We all suffer from it, some times.
Case in point. This lovely woman I know is in the early stage of a relationship, with a good man. A good catch, your momma would say. But she's having all this doubt about it. Last night, on the kitchen, she poured her heart out. Basically, telling me why she wants to take things slow with this guy. Understandably, just like others, she's been hurt before. Bad. And I mean, bad. The kind of broken heart that would keel you over if you don't have a strong heart and will. The kind that make you wish you hurt more physically, just so you don't feel that aching mentally.
Anyway, I digress. So somehow in this conversation, she stated that this might be a mistake. Why? Well, this is where it gets interesting. If she were my shanks (pet name for my BFFs), I would tell it like it is. Like "Shank, you're shanking yourself here. Get a grip. He's a good man. Deal". (In reality, I don't talk like that) But she's not. So no "shanking" her. Okay, long story short, her reason is more spiritual than I would like to believe. I'm not the most religious person in the world, ladies. But really? Really? You've got to be "shanking" yourself here.
A good man is hard to find. Trust me, I've been looking for ages (decades even). So when one comes along, you accept. No, I'm not saying that you should throw a rejoicing dance or ritual. After all, man is only ... man. But accept that a good man wants to love you, you beautiful self. And on forward to your journey to get to know him. Don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sabotage yourself. It's kinda old. And remotely sick, I tell ya. We can't be always ruining ourselves. Do not drag your behind and sink it low.
So yes, I do think this lovely woman is self-sabotaging herself. But I can't tell her that, as she poured her heart out on the kitchen floor. So I stand there, and listen. I didn't tell her flat out what I think. I listen. I was the enabler that time. If only she was my shank ...
Case in point. This lovely woman I know is in the early stage of a relationship, with a good man. A good catch, your momma would say. But she's having all this doubt about it. Last night, on the kitchen, she poured her heart out. Basically, telling me why she wants to take things slow with this guy. Understandably, just like others, she's been hurt before. Bad. And I mean, bad. The kind of broken heart that would keel you over if you don't have a strong heart and will. The kind that make you wish you hurt more physically, just so you don't feel that aching mentally.
Anyway, I digress. So somehow in this conversation, she stated that this might be a mistake. Why? Well, this is where it gets interesting. If she were my shanks (pet name for my BFFs), I would tell it like it is. Like "Shank, you're shanking yourself here. Get a grip. He's a good man. Deal". (In reality, I don't talk like that) But she's not. So no "shanking" her. Okay, long story short, her reason is more spiritual than I would like to believe. I'm not the most religious person in the world, ladies. But really? Really? You've got to be "shanking" yourself here.
A good man is hard to find. Trust me, I've been looking for ages (decades even). So when one comes along, you accept. No, I'm not saying that you should throw a rejoicing dance or ritual. After all, man is only ... man. But accept that a good man wants to love you, you beautiful self. And on forward to your journey to get to know him. Don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sabotage yourself. It's kinda old. And remotely sick, I tell ya. We can't be always ruining ourselves. Do not drag your behind and sink it low.
So yes, I do think this lovely woman is self-sabotaging herself. But I can't tell her that, as she poured her heart out on the kitchen floor. So I stand there, and listen. I didn't tell her flat out what I think. I listen. I was the enabler that time. If only she was my shank ...
6.24.2010
The Good Girl
So, why am I still single? My teacher just called it. We were catching up after not seeing each other for a while. And she just wondered out loud why a good girl like me is still single. She feels (out loud again) that me being a good girl should've been with a man right now. Well, I'm wondering too. Why am I still single?
As I walk my way to the bus stop, my mind glanced back to the internet dating phase I went through. I remembered just ignoring and rejecting people that doesn't add up to my expectation. Am I too picky for my own good?
Sorry, I feel like it's like selling out if I just settle. No, thank you. I think with all that I've been through, I deserve a right to be picky. I am looking for Mr. Right, now Mr. Right Now.
As I walk my way to the bus stop, my mind glanced back to the internet dating phase I went through. I remembered just ignoring and rejecting people that doesn't add up to my expectation. Am I too picky for my own good?
Sorry, I feel like it's like selling out if I just settle. No, thank you. I think with all that I've been through, I deserve a right to be picky. I am looking for Mr. Right, now Mr. Right Now.
2.26.2010
Nostalgia
A simple memory is not so simple anymore. My dad text me that my birthday is on the same date my cousin's wedding.
I disagree.
So I sent him back a text, saying "No, his wedding is happen to be on my birthday". After all, my birth happened a long 29 years ago. Long before the wedding is going to happen. I kinda feel I have the right to claim it first.
Anyway, I went off on a tangent here. He texted me back, telling me that my parents' wedding happens on the same date (according to Islamic calendar) that his parents'. Ha ...
The thing about is that now, after my mom passed away, reminiscing is a totally different experience. Back then, what it bring was just a content sigh, knowing just a little bit more of my parents' history. Now, it kinda ... suck a little. There was a pang of sadness (I'm sure my dad felt it a little more than me) and that thought, "Oh, she's not here anymore". And it lead to this post and a bit of tears.
*sigh* Now nostalgia really do bring tears.
I disagree.
So I sent him back a text, saying "No, his wedding is happen to be on my birthday". After all, my birth happened a long 29 years ago. Long before the wedding is going to happen. I kinda feel I have the right to claim it first.
Anyway, I went off on a tangent here. He texted me back, telling me that my parents' wedding happens on the same date (according to Islamic calendar) that his parents'. Ha ...
The thing about is that now, after my mom passed away, reminiscing is a totally different experience. Back then, what it bring was just a content sigh, knowing just a little bit more of my parents' history. Now, it kinda ... suck a little. There was a pang of sadness (I'm sure my dad felt it a little more than me) and that thought, "Oh, she's not here anymore". And it lead to this post and a bit of tears.
*sigh* Now nostalgia really do bring tears.
2.14.2010
It's Always Something
You see, there's always something. Let me give an example to make it easier. When you are in college, people would ask you when are you going to graduate. When you graduate from college, people would ask you when are you to get a job. When you got a job, people would ask you when are you going to get married. When you are married, people would ask you when are you going to be pregnant (or have a child). Then when you are pregnant or have a child, they'll ask you when the next one. It's like never ending expectation all around.
Right now, I'm in a situation where I am pretty much content with my life. I have a good job, not a dream job like being a chef in Food Network or work for this amazing hotels in Paris. But I like my job. It's what I came here for, plus I don't think you can get a better work atmosphere like my workplace. I like my co-workers, the chef is wonderful, learn a lot, and ... here's the plus plus plus, they like me. What more can you ask? Sure, the wage isn't 15 dollars an hour. Hell, it's not even 10 an hour (close, but barely). But I like it. Isn't it what important? Or not.
Am I losing my ambitiousness? Do I lost sense of that glimmering future of being a well-known chef? Can a girl take a break here? Or is it too late for me in life to even take a break (I pushing 30 here)?
To be honest with you, I would like to sit down and enjoy life for a moment here. I do feel that ball of chain labeled "too comfortable to move" or "affraid of change" slowly pulling me down. And I do have that glamorous dream every chef in the making have. But when is too much is too much? When can we stop having ambitions or goals? Or when can we have just goals, not ambition (goals=small accomplishment, ambition=huge, large, over the scale ones)? I know as I write, I won't have an answer just yet at the end of the post. It's like this huge, question ... what do I want to do with my life? Am I going to be pacifist? Or a goal-getter? An ambition ridden single young woman? Or follow the flow kind?
If I search my soul for an answer, so far I can only found one, definite answer. I want to be happy. So basic, so ... human. Unfortunately, my brain would go off doing it's analytical process as usual. I wonder if I can just enjoy this peace of mind for a moment or two. Just sit peacefully and smell the flower. Yes, this isn't the end of my journey. But I know, no ... I feel that my soul begs me too. Just a quiet moment, before I pick up my legs to chase that dream.
Right now, I'm in a situation where I am pretty much content with my life. I have a good job, not a dream job like being a chef in Food Network or work for this amazing hotels in Paris. But I like my job. It's what I came here for, plus I don't think you can get a better work atmosphere like my workplace. I like my co-workers, the chef is wonderful, learn a lot, and ... here's the plus plus plus, they like me. What more can you ask? Sure, the wage isn't 15 dollars an hour. Hell, it's not even 10 an hour (close, but barely). But I like it. Isn't it what important? Or not.
Am I losing my ambitiousness? Do I lost sense of that glimmering future of being a well-known chef? Can a girl take a break here? Or is it too late for me in life to even take a break (I pushing 30 here)?
To be honest with you, I would like to sit down and enjoy life for a moment here. I do feel that ball of chain labeled "too comfortable to move" or "affraid of change" slowly pulling me down. And I do have that glamorous dream every chef in the making have. But when is too much is too much? When can we stop having ambitions or goals? Or when can we have just goals, not ambition (goals=small accomplishment, ambition=huge, large, over the scale ones)? I know as I write, I won't have an answer just yet at the end of the post. It's like this huge, question ... what do I want to do with my life? Am I going to be pacifist? Or a goal-getter? An ambition ridden single young woman? Or follow the flow kind?
If I search my soul for an answer, so far I can only found one, definite answer. I want to be happy. So basic, so ... human. Unfortunately, my brain would go off doing it's analytical process as usual. I wonder if I can just enjoy this peace of mind for a moment or two. Just sit peacefully and smell the flower. Yes, this isn't the end of my journey. But I know, no ... I feel that my soul begs me too. Just a quiet moment, before I pick up my legs to chase that dream.
1.08.2010
Chasing ...
I was just reading "Chasing Harry Winston" by Lauren Weisberger (Her first novel is the famous "The Devil Wears Prada"). Emmy, on of the character, turned down a position that enables her to go on a world culinary tour, just because her ex-boyfriend asked her not to. So they could be together in New York.
The first thing that came to me was, are you crazy? Ditching this almost once-in-a-lifetime chance, for a jerk that dump you anyway. Wow. If it was me, I would've accept the offer without even skipping a heartbeat. I get to travel, see exciting places, try wonderful world cuisine, and got paid doing it. Oh yeah, talk about a dream job. Screw the boyfriend. Gimme the job.
And then, a thought just jump into my mind. Is this why I don't have boyfriend?
The first thing that came to me was, are you crazy? Ditching this almost once-in-a-lifetime chance, for a jerk that dump you anyway. Wow. If it was me, I would've accept the offer without even skipping a heartbeat. I get to travel, see exciting places, try wonderful world cuisine, and got paid doing it. Oh yeah, talk about a dream job. Screw the boyfriend. Gimme the job.
And then, a thought just jump into my mind. Is this why I don't have boyfriend?
1.02.2010
2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Short number facts for 2010: it's my 28th new year, 2nd without my mom, and 3rd that I celebrate in Michigan and away from home. Unfortunately, this time I celebrate it with being single ... again.
Speaking of, maybe I should make my 2010 resolution to be not single again. But then again, I do so hate sounding so desperate. I don't know what it is, but desperate doesn't wear well on me. Should I make the resolution "to try not to be single" instead? Somehow, that doesn't sound better. Still sounding desperate ... dang.
My sister tweeted that she most envious with people during new years and holidays, because they have a complete family. I'm pastel green with envy with people that are blissfully not single. And yes, that would include my sister. She is officially off the market, blissfully in relationship. And yes, it came complete with Facebook status change. Well, not really. I'm kinda glad that she could be in another relationship after the first train wreck. So she has healed and ready to put her heart on the line again.
But that leaves me! What would happen to dear old ... uhum, young me? Is it time to throw the towel? To finally settle for whatever I can get? To give Gerard Butler up? Umm, well ... never mind that (let's hope that Mr. Butler is not vain enough to google himself up). Maybe, maybe not. I just have to wait and see ...
2010 resolution: to open my mind broader to the options out there without settling for less than great.
Short number facts for 2010: it's my 28th new year, 2nd without my mom, and 3rd that I celebrate in Michigan and away from home. Unfortunately, this time I celebrate it with being single ... again.
Speaking of, maybe I should make my 2010 resolution to be not single again. But then again, I do so hate sounding so desperate. I don't know what it is, but desperate doesn't wear well on me. Should I make the resolution "to try not to be single" instead? Somehow, that doesn't sound better. Still sounding desperate ... dang.
My sister tweeted that she most envious with people during new years and holidays, because they have a complete family. I'm pastel green with envy with people that are blissfully not single. And yes, that would include my sister. She is officially off the market, blissfully in relationship. And yes, it came complete with Facebook status change. Well, not really. I'm kinda glad that she could be in another relationship after the first train wreck. So she has healed and ready to put her heart on the line again.
But that leaves me! What would happen to dear old ... uhum, young me? Is it time to throw the towel? To finally settle for whatever I can get? To give Gerard Butler up? Umm, well ... never mind that (let's hope that Mr. Butler is not vain enough to google himself up). Maybe, maybe not. I just have to wait and see ...
2010 resolution: to open my mind broader to the options out there without settling for less than great.
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